Indescribable
by louise17116
Summary: Spencer's coming out of a really terrible and unhealthy relationship and everything for her just seems to be going down hill. She's gotten a bad taste of what love is. Spencer could care less about her life but things seem to change when she meets Ashley Davies. Give it a chance. Varies from M to T.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hey guys. I know I've been gone a while. Hmmm maybe it's been a year? Who the hell knows right? So I wanted to start writing again I do miss it and I do miss you guys. I can't tell you how consistent I'll be with updating but I'm going to try my best. I've got my own shit going on but I'm sure that you don't want to hear some chick on her period bitch about her life. Hell I don't want to hear about that either. So enough of me ranting here's **Indescribable**. Tell me what you think please. Thanks for reading.

**Reason For Writing This Story:** Someone really special to me came into my life over a year ago and changed my view on love. I fell in love with her and I am still very much in love with her today. And that love I feel for her is indescribable. I never knew it was possible to feel like this. She showed me what love could really be. I will always love her and be thankful for how she impacted my life. I wanted to write this story to express how amazing love is and how great it can be. You know who you are. I love you forever stud ;) Note that this story is not a true story from my own life but some events in the story will be true but most of it will be fictional.

**Indescribable Chapter One**

_(Spencer's POV)_

What is love? I mean really think about it, _what is love_? How would you define it? The bibles definition of love is this: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…..love never fails.

Do I believe this to be true? I don't really know but I do know that when you experience love and truly experience love it's indescribable. And I'm not talking about the love you feel for your friends and family. I'm talking about being _in_ _love_. That kind of love where all you can think about is that one person. And this one person consumes every part of you and you gladly welcome it. You're not able to function without them. And you can't explain why you feel like this. Thus why love is indescribable.

I bet you've heard people say that before; that love is indescribable. Maybe you disagree with me but I'd like to hear you explain what being in love feels like. Go on try to explain. You'll either one sound like you're fucking retarded, two you're on meth, or three you're a flaming homosexual. Take your pick.

Love_ is_ indescribable. So how can you really express your love to someone? You can tell them but they're just words. People will say if you can't tell someone how you feel then show them. But how? Small acts of kindness what are they? They're kindness they're not showing the love you feel and most of the time these acts go by unnoticed. Any why is this? Because they mean nothing. Maybe going out of your way to do something extra nice for someone can show how in love with them you are? Nope. It just shows you're not a cheap ass mother fucking douchebag. Words aren't enough and actions don't mean shit.

Love can't be shown through words or actions. Love is more meaningful than that. So the question is how do you show someone that you love them? How do you make it so the person you're in love with can feel that burning intensity you feel for them? The answer? YOU can't! Plain and simple you can't fucking do it. It's just not fucking possible. Now why is that?

They have to believe it! They have to believe that you're in love with them. They have to trust your feelings to be true. If they don't believe you then everything you claim to do out of love for them doesn't mean fucking shit. And most importantly it doesn't mean shit to them if they don't believe you're in love with them. Same concept as religion. You can read it and hear about it but what the fuck does it mean to you unless you believe it to be true? Your love for someone means nothing unless they believe it to be true. It's a sad twisted fucked up reality.

I'm Spencer Carlin and love is a huge fucking load of bullshit.

**A/N:** Okay yeah I know that was a little angry there. I really wanted to convey Spencer's emotions on love. So I hope it wasn't too much or just a bunch of crap. Anyways please review and tell me what you think. Thanks for reading. Later bitches.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Hey sorry yeah I know it's been awhile but I warned you I don't know how consistent I'll be. And I've been having a real rough time I don't know why I'm even bothering saying something no one on here gives a shit about you unless you write a decent story. Everyone wants a fucking happy story without going through any obstacles. Going through obstacles and struggles makes your love stronger and people don't get that. If you can't face trials in a relationship then what's the fucking point of trying? Does anyone even read the author's note anymore cause I know I don't? Whatever. I'm done giving a fuck I'm going to do what I want and go after what I want. No more bullshit games. Anyways here's chapter two. Wrote this at 3am so I'm sure there's more than a few mistakes. There's drug use so if you don't like that then don't read it. Please review and tell me what you think.

**Reviews-**

**Guest:** Thanks. It might not seem like it but I am a fan of love. There's this girl I'm totally and completely in love with. She's so amazing and perfect. I'd do anything for her. She's def a keeper there's no way I'm ever letting her go. She taught me what being in love means and how great it is. She gives me this look sometimes it sounds lame and corny but when she gives me this look I just know she loves me too. I don't know I can just feel it. I always wonder if she feels as strongly as I do about her. Lol but it's not like I can read her mind. I guess I just have to trust her. I bet you did great. And even if you sucked I bet most of the people at the wedding were already buzzed or drunk :P Thanks I hope you like it.

**Guest:** Thanks so much. Lmfao I know I know I'm a terrible author but hey lots of people abandon their stories on here! I'm going to do my best to finish this. I would love to share my experience of what being in love feels like.

**Jessica:** Thanks for taking the time to review. I hope you liked it. Lol yeah Spencer needs some guidance there. Thanks!

**Indescribable Chapter Two**

_(Spencer's POV)_

**Mario Winans I Don't Wanna Know- **

_Oh baby_

_I think about it when I hold you_

_When lookin in your eyes, I can't believe_

_I don't need to know the truth_

_Baby keep it to yourself_

_I don't wanna know_

_If you're playin' me, keep it on the low_

_Cause my heart can't take it anymore_

_And if your creepin, please don't let it show_

_Oh baby, I don't wanna know_

**Neyo So Sick-**

_Gotta change my answering machine_

_Now that I'm alone_

_'Cuz right now it says that we_

_Can't come to the phone_

_And I know it makes no sense_

_'Cuz you walked out the door_

_But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore_

_(It's ridiculous)_

_It's been months_

_And for some reason I just_

_(Can't get over us)_

_And I'm stronger than this, yeah_

_(Enough is enough)_

_No more walkin' round_

_With my head down_

_(Yeah)_

_I'm so over being blue_

_Cryin' over you_

_And I'm so sick of love songs_

_So tired of tears_

_So done with wishing_

_You were still here_

_Said I'm so sick of love songs_

_So sad and slow_

_So why can't I turn off the radio?_

**The Airborne Toxic Event Sometime Around Midnight-**

_And she leaves_

_With someone you don't know_

_But she makes sure you saw her, she looks right at you and bolts_

_As she walks out the door_

_Your blood boiling, your stomach in ropes_

_And then your friends say "What is it? You look like you've seen a ghost."_

_And you walk_

_Under the streetlights_

_And you're too drunk to notice that everyone's staring at you_

_You don't care what you look like_

_The world is falling around you_

_You just have to see her_

_You just have to see her_

_You just have to see her_

_You just have to see her_

_You just have to see her_

_You know that she'll break you in two…_

You know I really love these songs. Especially these specific lyrics. They're all about a guy getting fucked over by the girl they're in love with. But none of them care that they're getting completely fucked over. You're so in love with this girl that you don't care what she does or how much it hurts…you _need_ her. How do you let go of her? She left me and I can't let her go…

It's been three weeks since she left me. It's been one week since she moved on to someone else. It feels like it's been forever since I last kissed her, last touched her, last held her.

**Beep! Beep!**

I grab my phone and see it's her…

**Riley:** hey spence going out 2 the movies with the girlfriend luv ya goodnight :)

I'm still talking to her. Acting as if nothing happened. Acting as if everything is perfectly fine. It's not fucking fine.

**Spencer:** have fun! :) I love you too.

Fuck you smiley face. I fucking hate you.

I shut my phone off and toss it carelessly onto my bedside table hoping that it breaks so I have a reason not to talk to anyone. I know I didn't throw it hard enough for it to break though.

I walk angrily over to my dresser and pull a pill bottle out of my sock drawer. I contemplate downing all thirty five pills but I know I won't. It's always just a passing thought. I'm too scared to do it. So instead I take nine of them. I know it won't kill me because I've done this before.

I quickly grab a thin gray jacket and rush towards the door while I zip up my jacket and pull the hood up. I stop in place and glance back at my phone. That stupid fucking phone. I should take it just in case she needs to talk to me…

I grab my phone and turn it back on and check to see if she left me any messages but she didn't so I turn the ringer up all the way and jam it in my pocket. I jog down the stairs and out the door before either of my parents can say anything.

Shoving my hands in my pockets I tread down the dark street. A few minutes down the street I hear an obnoxious car horn beeping loudly. I smile slightly to myself and shake my head.

"Justin you dumbass you wanna wake up my entire neighborhood," I yell in a hushed whisper. Justin used to be just a guy that I talked to rarely but we started hanging out about three weeks ago and he's pretty much my best friend now.

"Get your ass in the car Carlin we got a party to go to ow ow ow!" I laugh in disbelief at him.

"Are you already drunk?"

"Yup," he grins smugly.

"Okay let's go," I say hopping in the jeep neglecting to put on my seat belt. Part of me hopes we'll crash but I know we won't.

"Alright let's go beotch!"

"You're an idiot you know that right," I tease. He just sticks his tongue out at me and slams on the accelerator.

We speed down the road running multiple red lights and breaking a number of other laws but hey we made it to the party. Even drunk Justin's a pretty good navigator. Wish I could say the same for me.

There's cars parked all over the street, there's trash everywhere on this person's lawn, and you can hear the loud music from blocks away. Maybe the cops will show up? Oh well who gives a fuck right?

"Come on Carlin there's this guy I want you to meet!" He sluggishly drags me across the lawn and into the house of drunks and sweaty dancing bodies.

As we make our way through the grinding bodies I feel a bunch of bodies touching my own. That would've usually pissed me off. I don't like being touched but the pills are kicking in and things are getting hazy. My worries and concerns and anger are starting to fade and it feels great.

We finally make it through the crowd and Justin leads me through a door that goes downstairs. It's dark and foggy down here. It reeks of alcohol, ciggerates, and pot.

I take a moment to take in my surroundings. I notice a group of guys giggling hysterically in the corner. They're probably on some fucked up shit. A few feet away from them are a bunch of teens sitting in a couple of couches and recliners. I see a razor blade and white powder on the table. I'm not stupid I know what they're doing.

I spot a girl on another couch across the room that's completely passed out. She has one sleeve rolled up and the other down. I see the guy next to her with his sleeve rolled up as well with a rubber band wrapped tightly around his bicep and he's injecting himself with some sort of needle. He makes eye contact with me for a brief second then looks away.

He pulls off the rubber band and throws the needle on the table in front of him. He leans over to the passed out girl next to him and he begins to kiss her neck. He looks up at me again as if daring me to do something. I look away this time trying to ignore this nagging feeling inside. It's none of my business so I'm staying out of it I'm not doing anything wrong here.

I don't recognize anyone down here but when you go to parties like this you never really do. It's always new faces.

"This is the guy I was telling you about! Carlin?" Justin's looking at me expectantly.

"Oh right sorry," I say. Guess I spaced out. Not uncommon for me.

The guy in front of us doesn't look like he's very dangerous. He just looks like a regular guy. No one would've thought this guy was a dealer.

"This guy Kevin is gonna hook us up," Justin says excitedly.

"I got you guys. Here," Kevin says handing us each a bottle of small white pills. I eye the tiny pills curiously. These aren't anything I've ever taken before.

"What are these," I question.

"Better than pain pills Spence! This stuff will really mellow you out. Would I steer you wrong buddy," Justin smiles. Guess not. They sound fine to me.

I pop one in my mouth and swallow it dry. The taste is really bitter for such a small pill.

"Ewwww," I squint my face.

"Ha ha ha ha! Way to take it like a pro! Come on Carlin you can do better than that," Justin says. I shrug and down three more of the bitter pills.

"Alright Carlin! You're insane I love it! Thanks Kevin I owe you man!" Kevin simply nods his head not really seeming to care.

"Let's go upstairs and drink till we're shit faced," Justin yells happily. He grabs my wrist again and begins to drag me up the stairs.

"Thanks," I say over my shoulder.

**THREE HOURS LATER**

"Yo Carlin did your parentals leave you a shit load of messages yet," Justin slurs. I giggle at him and pull out my phone. I feel great.

"Let's see! Hmmmm oh! I got a Facebook thingy yay!"

"Laammmmmeeee."

"Says the guy that buys pills from a guy named Kevin! Dealers are supposed to be mysterious and dangerous! How is Kevin an intimidating name for a drug dealer," I chuckle.

"Pssshhhh whatever it's Arabic or some shit." I roll my eyes because that made absolutely no sense at all. I smile at him but it slowly begins to fade when I see that the Facebook notification is from Riley. She added a photo and even made it her profile pic.

"I'm gonna be right back Justin," I tell him. I'm more aware now than I was a few seconds ago.

"Sure thing Carlin," Justin says downing some more alcohol.

I walk into the living room of swarming bodies and see a couch that is completely vacant. My stomach's in knots and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. I take a seat and click on the picture. It seems to take forever for it to load.

My heart sinks to my stomach when I see the picture. That oh so familiar feeling in my stomach returns and it's relentless, overbearing, and so overwhelming. I can't take it. I try to breathe and relax but it's no use my brain is running wild and it's not stopping any time soon.

So what the hell am I looking at? It's the girl I'm in love with kissing her girlfriend. Her girlfriend who isn't me. And in the details it says 'I am so in love with this girl she is my soul mate!'

Her soul mate? It feels like there's a ton of bricks on my chest and someone is squeezing the life out of my lungs. It's so hard to breathe. My stomach's in knots I feel so light headed. What's happening? I can't believe this!

I'm outraged beyond belief! I'm so fucking angry at her. How the fuck could she do this to me?! She fucking knows how I feel about her! She knows I'm in love with her still! Doesn't she? She has to know…she does know…but she doesn't care…

The pain I'm feeling is so intense. It feels like some unseen and unknown force is gripping at my insides and it won't let go any time soon. Actually seeing her write those words just set something off in me. I'm not hers. And she's no longer mine. She says she loves me. She just told me she loved me a little bit ago didn't that mean something? No it didn't I'm just fooling myself. She couldn't even take the time to write 'I love you'. All I get is an 'I luv ya'!

I don't even know if I believe that she loves anymore. She isn't in love with me. She's in love with her not me. She's not in love with me. Was she ever in love with me? I have no part of her I have no right to be upset. She isn't mine…

My eyes are burning with tears and my throats closing up. I can't fucking do this I can't! I scramble for the pill bottle in my pocket and take a single pill.

"Fucking work," I shout angrily. I take another, and then another, and then another, and then another. Still nothing. It's not fucking working! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I look around frantically for some sort of escape. I have to get out of here I can't breathe. The rooms starting to spin and everything's blurry from the hot tears streaming down my face. I'm swallowing back sobs that want to crash through my entire body. I _need_ to leave now!

I shove through the crowd in a hysterical panic. I don't notice anything around me just the searing pain in my chest. I need a release.

I spot the front door I came through earlier and I rush to it. I fumble with the stupid fucking door handle. My hands are trembling frantically and I can't seem to gain control of them.

The door suddenly opens and it startles me. The people who opened the door give me this strange look I only notice it for a second before I dart out the door and into the dark night running away from the fading music.

I just keep running, and running, and running. I finally have to stop when my legs feel numb. My knees are almost buckling but I somehow manage to keep myself upright. I start to realize that my body is covered in sweat and that my throat is completely dry. I'm wheezing because I can barely breathe. I'm gasping for oxygen it feels like I'm choking.

I fall to the rocky ground on my knees. I feel the rocks and sharp pebbles in my hand. I grasp them tightly trying to get ahold of myself. I start coughing harshly shaking my whole body at once. I hear something to my right hit the ground.

I glance towards the noise and see it's just my cell phone. I look away and punch the ground beneath me. I see the blood and dirt on my knuckles but I feel nothing.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck," I yell, repeatiately punching the ground with my fist. I feel so hopeless and worthless right now. I can't get ahold of my own fucking emotions. I'm fucking pathetic. Look at me I'm sobbing on the side of the street barely breathing, crying over some fucking girl who doesn't give a fucking shit about me.

**Beep! Beep!**

Riley! Maybe she's worried about me?!

I scramble for my phone.

**Riley:** Hey spence I was wonderin if u still hav my black shirt u know the one I love! It's still missin so I hope u hav it. Oh n btw Justin txted me askin about u u ok? I told him ur probably fine. So no worries :)

I shake my head and look at the ground. She doesn't care. A least she spelled love right this time.

I find my way to my feet and look around. I'm on some dark high way that's actually pretty busy with a bunch of cars. They're at least going 50mph. I slowly begin to walk along the road not even worrying about my phone.

Every single car that passes by I imagine myself jumping in front of it.

I don't want to do this anymore. I can't take it. I can't deal with it. It's too hard I just want the pain to go away for good.

I leisurely take one step into the busy street getting closer to the passing cars.

I'm done trying. I'm ready to give up. What's the fucking point?

I spy a black car coming up the road. I pick up my pace and walk faster.

I stand there in the middle of the road ready to take this car head on.

It's funny, even in this moment Riley's still on my mind. She always is.

The headlights are blinding my eyes but I don't even flinch or blink. In fact I welcome it. I'm ready.

Scccrreeeeeeeccccchhhhhh!

Everything's fading away as I look up at the sky. I can't help but smile because the pain and tightness in my chest is fading too…

"Oh my God are you okay?!"

**A/N:** Well tell me if you liked it. Thanks for reading. Later bitches.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Yeah I know it's been awhile. I usually end up writing when I'm feeling really down or something. I want to convey how Spencer's feeling I think it's important. And if I write just to get the chapter in I feel like I'm not conveying the emotions that are at play. Well here's chapter three I wasn't entirely satisfied with it but tell me what you think please.

**Reviews:**

**GoMe-** Thanks that's what I'm attempting to go for. Lol yes junkies are pretty freaky I was hoping it would sound kind of realistic so thank you so much. Don't we all? Thanks again hope you like this chapter!

**southtrash-** Thank you so much! I'm really going for trying to make this as realistic as possible. I'm glad you liked my style of writing.

**mls-** Lmao that was def an "oh shit" moment. Thanks for reading! Hope you like this chapter!

**Indescribable Chapter Three**

_(Spencer's POV)_

**Enrique Iglesias and Ciara Takin' Back My Love-**

[Enrique:]

_Go ahead just leave, can't hold you, you're free_

_You take all these things, if they mean so much to you_

_I gave you your dreams, 'cause you meant the world_

_So did I deserve to be left here hurt_

_You think I don't know you're out of control_

_I ended up finding all of this from my boys_

_Girl, you're stone cold, you say it ain't so,_

_You already know I'm not attached to material_

_I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love_

_I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love_

_I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love_

_I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love_

_My love.._

[Ciara:]

_Yeah_

_What did I do but give love to you_

_I'm just confused as I stand here and look at you_

_From head to feet, all that's not me_

_Go 'head, keep the keys, that's not what I need from you_

_You think that you know (I do), you've made yourself cold (Oh yeah)_

_How could you believe them over me, I'm your girl_

_You're out of control (So what?), how could you let go (Oh yeah)_

_Don't you know I'm not attached to material_

[Both:]

_I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love_

_I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love_

_I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love_

_I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love_

_I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love_

_I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love_

_I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love_

_I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love_

[Enrique:]

_So all this love I give you, take it away, (Unh, uh huh)_

[Ciara:]

_You think material's the reason I came, (Unh, uh huh)_

Enrique:

_If I had nothing would you want me to stay (Unh, uh huh)_

[Ciara:]

_You keep your money, take it all away_

_I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love_

_I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love_

_I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love_

_I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love_

_I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love_

_I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love_

_I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love_

_I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love_

_I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love_

_I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love_

_I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love_

_I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love_

_Ooh, my love_

_Ooh, my love _

I wish it were that easy. I wish I could just take back my love, take it all back. But it's not that simple. You can't just take it back. Love is never simple. Deep down I know she doesn't feel the same about me. And the sad thing is if I could take back all my love I wouldn't do it. In fact, I just want to give her more love. You look at my life right now and probably wonder why wouldn't I want to take back my love she fucked me over? Because I'm in love with her.

And although I feel betrayed, lied to, a sadness that is beyond overwhelming, hatred for her, confusion that will never be answered, and even a death wish none of that matters because I love her. I just want her to be happy even if it causes me tremendous pain. I don't quite understand it myself I just can't pull away from her no matter how hard I try. It hurts so much. Maybe I'm too hopeful. I'm hopeful that things could change. It's false hope. She always ends up disappointing me or letting me down some way. She builds me up then breaks me down. And I'll continue to take it because I can't be without her. I'm starting to expect the disappointment. I'll take whatever I can get and be there when she needs me and give her whatever she wants. Because I love her…

_(Hospital)_

I opened my eyes. I knew right away that I was still alive. The disappointment that fills my entire body is overbearing. I just look straight ahead at the white pale wall. The pain and tightness in my chest… it's back. Why? Why am I still alive?! Why?! Why did I have to live?! Why couldn't I have just died?!

I can't even cry. I can't even scream a bunch of angry words at the top of my lungs. I'm just…disappointed. I hate myself. I want to die. I have no will to fight back it's simply gone. I've accepted that I'm not going anywhere. I'm stuck here on this earth. I don't care anymore what happens to me. Maybe I'm meant to feel this pain. I deserve it. So I'll take it all. I don't care anymore. I couldn't even kill myself properly I deserve to feel this pain. I'm pathetic.

"Spencer you're awake!" I recognize my mom's voice instantly but I don't even look at her. I don't even give a shit if my family knows I tried to kill myself. I'm only causing them problems. And they don't deserve to feel any of the pain that I'm feeling.

"Spencer honey!" She places herself in front of me so I have no choice but to look at her. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me closely to her.

"We were so worried. I thought I had lost you," she cries. And I hate myself even more. I made my mom cry. I put my family through so much. I was selfish. I can't even open my mouth to apologize I'm so disgusted with myself. How do you apologize for trying to kill yourself? How do you apologize when all you wanted was to die?

More footsteps gather in the room and I know it's my brothers and dad. I just don't want anyone to see me right now especially my family I feel so ashamed. I can't look my family in the eye.

My mom releases me and almost startles me at the angry tone in her voice.

"Arthur what is she doing in here?! I want her out of here now," my mom yells, her voice dripping in venomous hatred. I almost look up but I can't will myself to do it.

"She has a right to be in here she saved our daughter's life Paula," he says strictly.

"She hit _our daughter_ with her car and almost killed her!" I'm slightly confused at my mom's words but I still can't look at them. Obviously this is the driver of the car I jumped in front of. I can't help but hate the driver a little for not killing me.

"She gave Spencer CPR for an hour straight until an ambulance arrived. And she even rode in the ambulance with Spencer and stayed with her until we could get to the hospital. It was an accident Paula. I do not blame her. I am thankful that she saved _our daughter's_ life." Okay now I'm really confused. It was an accident? I jumped right in front of the car that was not an accident I did it on purpose. Why's he calling it an accident? Are they that upset that they can't call it what it is: suicide. I guess I can't blame them.

"Ugh! I refuse to be in the same room as her," my mom screams. I hear her storm out and footsteps follow. I'm almost positive my brothers followed her out.

"I am so sorry Mr. Carlin. Do you want me to leave? Oh God I should probably just leave I've already messed things up enough and I almost killed your daughter and I'm not making things better at all right now I'm just making it worse," an unfamiliar voice says. Wow she's annoying.

"It's okay. You told me Spencer was jogging along the road and tripped in front of your car. It was just an accident. It's okay," my dad says warmly. What the fuck?! I was jogging?!

"But I-."

"It's okay. You've already done more than enough. Paying the hospital bills and all," he cuts her off. She paid my hospital bills?! Who the fuck..?!

And sure enough as soon as he says that I begin to feel my entire body ache and throb in pain. Nothing's broken it seems but I'm definitely bruised up, my hand's pulsing in pain, and my head's killing me.

"It's the least I can do," the voice says, sounding a little bit more upbeat. Bitch! What the hell does she want from me?! A fucking medal for keeping the fact that I jumped in front of her car to herself?! I'm so annoyed right now I want this girl out of here now!

'"You're a hero. I can't thank you enough," he says kindly. No she's a fucking liar is what she is!

"I don't know what I'd do if I lost my little girl," he chokes out painfully. I can hear him clearing his throat. It hits me in that moment how much I hurt him. And he doesn't even know I tried to kill myself but his voice sounded so broken. He thought I was going to die…and I put him through that. I put my entire family through that.

The disappointment and anger leaves my body replaced with regret. I regret trying to kill myself. I regret it so much. I was only thinking of me. God I was so fucking selfish. How could I do that to them?! What was I thinking?!

I'm glad that they don't know the truth. What would they think? What would they think of me? I was ready to die and willing to leave everything behind without a second thought. I didn't even consider them for a second…I was only thinking of finding some sort of escape. I was going to leave them to morn my death. Leave them confused as to why I did it. I would've left them always wanting to know what happened to the Spencer they used to know and how did things go so wrong? They wouldn't have ever had any sort of closure. I would've done that to my own family without any remorse.

And what about Riley? The girl I'm so madly in love with. The girl I would do anything for. I was going to leave her behind too. I was going to try and take away my love. I was mad at her. I was devastated…it's not about me though. I promised myself I'd always be there for her. And for a moment I went back on that promise. I can't…I don't…

So none of them know the truth…? They don't know I tried to kill myself. They have no idea how much I wanted to die. I can't ever do that again. Not ever…they all deserve so much more than that.

This stranger kept my suicide attempt a secret? Why? What could she possibly gain from doing that?

My mind is going crazy as to why this stranger would do such a thing. I'm relieved and somewhat grateful to this stranger. There's no way I'll ever tell anyone what really happened. I can't do that to them. No one will ever know…except for this stranger.

"I'm no hero I was just doing the right thing; giving her a second chance at life." My eyes widen at her words. A second chance? What does she mean by that?

I can't help but look up at her. I have to see this stranger for myself. Who is she?

"Thank you Ashley," my dad replies appreciatively.

**Author's Note:** Well I hope you liked that chapter. Later guys. Thanks for reading tell me what you think please!


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